The Style Invitational Week 917 Wryku
By Pat Myers, Friday, April 29, 11:44 AM
Hi there, you tourists!
Those pink things happen each year.
Please walk to the right.
In honor of last month’s
Cherry Blossom Festival, The Washington Post invited readers to submit haiku
musing on the annual bloomfest. There were lots of lovely thoughts published
online, such as “Witness the blush of springtime” and “Winter loosens its cold
grasp,” but precious few with humor or wryness (the one above, by the poet
identified only as “theturtle,” was a rare exception). That’s okay; that’s what
we’re here for. This week: Write a haiku — which we’ll
too broadly define as a sentiment that can be broken into three lines with
exactly five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the
third — on any subject that’s been in the news in the past couple of weeks.
You may add a title in addition to the three lines.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a set of Fighting
Granddads, a pair of wind-up bearded codgers that swing canes at each other.
(See video in the online Week 917 at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.)
Donated by Rick Haynes.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First offenders get a
smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their First Ink). E-mail
entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May
9; results to be published May 29 (May 27 online). Include “Week 917” in the
subject line of your e-mail, or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See more rules at
washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next week’s results
was submitted separately by Tom Witte and Jeff Contompasis; his week’s
honorable-mentions subhead is by Judy Blanchard.
Report from Week 913, in which we asked you to move the last letter of a
word to the beginning of the word, then define the result. As usual with
neologisms, the results tend to relate somehow to the original. So you have to
puzzle them out a little. Most frequently submitted: Dozens of definitions for
“Aliby.”
The winner of the Inker:
Snipple: Babies agree: the
Best Stuff on Earth. (Kyle Bonney, Fairfax, Va.)
2. Winner of the View-Master
with pictures of Graceland:
Norso Swelle: A former
wunderkind who, in retrospect, maybe wasn’t so great after all. (Brendan Beary,
Great Mills, Md.)
3. Lb.-age: What you’ll add
from overeating breakfast carbs. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)
4. O-ring: A band that holds
a group together but is the weakest part of it. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville,
Va.)
Back-ups: Honorable mentions
Lil-lega: Ringer on a kids’
baseball team. (Loris McVittie, Rockville, Md., a First Offender)
Okimon: What men say to women
in Tokyo bars. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Tap-art-men: Your upstairs
neighbors. (Erik Wennstrom, Bloomington, Ind.)
Achin’: How the United States
feels about its trade deficit. (Xin Yu, Columbus, Ohio, a First Offender)
Scus: “Pardon my French.”
(Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
Dbu: Former world leader also
known as “the Light.” (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)
Aide: Where the boss’s idea
came from. (Roger Hammons, North Potomac, Md.)
Eros: That which by any other
name would still be as sweet. (Craig Dykstra)
Skid: When a woman’s career
slides to a stop, often to her delight. (Heather Hancock, Leesburg, Va., a
First Offender)
Demeral: Besides the poppies,
another opiate openly available in Oz. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Oh: “My son has told me so
much about you.” (Judy Blanchard)
COPE: A consortium of oil
princes who get by on just a few billion a year. (Barrie Collins, Long Sault, Ontario)
Amani: A passion for fashion.
(Mike Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)
Krappahannoc:
Virginia’s dirtiest river. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Sexodu: The Old Testament
abridged to focus on all the “begat” bits. (Brendan Beary)
Sher: Consistent answer to
the wife’s request for whatever you have. (Joe Braceland, Fairfax, Va., a First
Offender)
Eautomobil: The long-awaited
car that runs on water. (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
Soriole: A Baltimore fan
after 13 straight losing seasons. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.)
Rishta: A measure of a
movie’s lousiness. “Tom Cruise’s latest is a 7 on the Rishta scale.” (Craig
Dykstra)
P-poo: The only naughty word
left in the “family” version of “The King’s Speech.” (Mike Creveling, La Plata)
Splatypu: A disgusting mess
found on Australian highways. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
I-jacuzz: Who peed in the hot
tub? (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
Scatalog: Improvised toilet
paper. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Wafterglo: A post-flatulent
feeling of satisfaction. (Christy Tosatto, Olney, Md., a First Offender)
Tenlistmen: Letterman’s army
of writers. (Kevin Dopart)
Eon-C: The epoch in which all
fairy tales take place. (Stan McLeroy, Herndon, Va., a First Offender)
Yessa: Giving the English
teacher exactly what the English teacher asked for. (Tom Witte, Montgomery
Village, Md.; Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)
Linguina: Bulbous pasta whose
Italian name means “little hernias.” (Tony Phelps, Washington)
Otomat: A coin-operated
vegetable stand. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
And last:
Sinker: Someone who’d lower himself to send stupid potty jokes to win some
cheap prize. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)
Next week: Foaling around, or Horsefathers